And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
