she looked like the before picture.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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