go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
