I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
