And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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