Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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