Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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