so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
