So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
