did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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