There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
