I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
