He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
