Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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