thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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