You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
