I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
