Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
