Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
