Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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