OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
no, he came in my armpit
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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