You can't motorboat a personality
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
