yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
