Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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