Jerry, you need to find god
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
