at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
