after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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