My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
