Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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