The best revenge is premature balding
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
