The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
