Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
