Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
