You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
