my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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