I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
