i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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