I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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