I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
