you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
