I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
