Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
