I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
