Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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