I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
