Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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