it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
