they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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