Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
