if you like me you must not know who I am
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
