He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
