do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
