Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
