I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
