So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm sobbing to NWA
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
